Musing Bella

The other day, I caught myself judging someone. It happened instinctively, without thought. But then I paused, was this judgment fair? Did they mean to act that way, or were they just reacting to their circumstances? I know you’re wondering what the situation was, but trust me there have been so many situations that has made me think like this. The two distinct ones that I can remember right now are when my neighbour offered to help take my groceries to my doorstep, and when my coworker spread rumours about me. When my neighbour, an older lady, offered to help, I mean I was so happy, I made a mental note and told myself she is a good lady. On the other hand, I never thought I’d be the topic of office gossip, until it happened to me. I noticed some of my coworkers started acting strange around me, especially when I was around them. I thought I was imagining things or stressed, until a colleague pulled me aside and told me someone which I will call Alex for this post, told the others I took credit for other people’s work. I was stunned because I always tried to be supportive and collaborative, I felt isolated and frustrated because I didn’t understand where this was coming from or why. I was able to resolve it in the end, but I felt Alex was a bad person, I mean who wouldn’t feel the same. Which brings me back to the question, Are people truly good or bad, or just humans navigating complex choices? Now this isn’t a post about judgement but understanding.

I think a lot about how easy it is for us to see things as just good or bad, right or wrong. It is not always our fault society, the news, and even our families sometimes teach us to think this way. The news often tells us who the good guys and the bad guys are, and in real life, people around us can do the same. Sometimes, in families, we learn to see things as all or nothing, and that sticks with us.

When we see the world in black and white, it can make our relationships with other people, and even with ourselves more simpler, but not always in a good way. Its very easy to label someone as good or bad based on one thing they did, or to judge ourselves harshly if we make a mistake. But real life isn’t like that. People are complicated and so are our feelings. And if we only see things as right or wrong we miss out on understanding, forgiveness and real connection. We see black and white everywhere, like the hero versus the villain in fairytales, the good versus evil in religious stories, and even us versus them on social media. It makes everything seem simpler than it really is, and that can shape how we see others and ourselves. But what happens when people don’t fit those boxes?

On several occasions I have observed others , and there were times where I thought someone was good but they made a hurtful choice and vice versa. A friend of mine from undergrad days was always the first to stand up for others and seemed really caring. But once, after a misunderstanding with one of her friends, she completely ignored her said friend for weeks, even when her friend was clearly upset. It felt so unlike the person I thought I knew, that it got me questioning what I knew about my friend. It made me realize we are not just our worst moments, or our best ones. We’re a fusion of both. It’s about what we choose to do most of the time, not just one good or bad day. That’s what really makes us who we are.

Human behaviour is shaped by so many things, its not just who we are, but what we’re going through and the choices we make in the moment. Sometimes, it’s about circumstance: things like trauma, fear, or how we were raised can really affect how we act. Other times, it’s about choice: our sense of agency, our values, or even just the emotions we’re feeling right then. Not long ago, I made a decision that surprised even me. My sister asked me to help her with an online application, something I’d normally be happy to do. But that week, work had been really stressful, and I was feeling overwhelmed. When she asked, I told her no and ended up snapping at her. I mean she felt hurt because I could tell from how she left me silently. Afterwards, I kept asking myself: Was I a bad person or just a human under pressure? It’s a question that still sits with me. Empathy doesn’t mean excusing harm. I can try to understand why I acted that way and why others might act out of character sometimes, without letting it slide. It’s about holding space for our own complexity, and for the complexity of everyone around us.

This perspective shift can change how we see others, especially when they do things that make us label them as “good” or “bad.”When people act in ways that surprise us like being unexpectedly harsh or suddenly generous, it is very easy to jump to conclusions. We might call someone “bad” for a single hurtful moment, or “good” for a kind gesture. But the truth is, everyone’s actions are shaped by their circumstances and choices. Maybe it’s their nature, they’re under pressure, or struggling with something we don’t know about. Understanding this helps us see people as more than just their best or worst moments. It doesn’t mean we have to excuse harmful behaviour, we can still set boundaries and decide what we’re willing to forgive. But it does mean we can approach others with more compassion, knowing that everyone is dealing with battles we might not see.

As the saying goes, “Everyone is fighting a battle you know nothing about. Be kind. Always.” This doesn’t mean betraying our own needs, it just means remembering that people are complex, and our snap judgments don’t always tell the whole story. We are not good or bad. We are human, flawed, growing, and full of contradictions. Maybe grace is allowing ourselves and others to be a work in progress.

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